My Beloved Father

My beloved father passed away peacefully last Sunday night, 13th November. Ben and Tali had been with my parents on Friday night and he enjoyed his supper as usual. Samuel and Sophie played Bridge with Mum and Dad on Shabbat afternoon and on Sunday afternoon he told Mum, Jonny and Danny that he was ready to go. He took himself off to bed, said goodbye to Mum and with Mum and Jonny holding his hand he passed away. Purposeful and efficient to the very end. He hadn't been ill but was just very old and he had been running on low battery for a while, although as recently as May he and I had a fabulous trip on the Elizabeth Line together.

Dad was born in Germany in 1927. His early life was spent in Krefeld. Just before the war he and his sister Gill came out on a Kindertransport but fortunately both his parents, our Nana and Opa, also escaped and set up their new life in Mitcham, South London.

Above : The synagogue in Krefeld before and after Kristallnacht - which Dad remembered.

He went to Balham Grammar School and subsequently to Regent’s Street Poly where he studied mechanical engineering. Opa had started a business, Mitcham Cardboards and Dad had to run the night shift in the factory so he slept in the mornings having arranged for a friend to take notes, then attended the compulsory practicals in the afternoon before going back to the factory at night. He was then apprenticed to an engineering firm in Bristol, where his social life was based around the Jewish community and this was a very happy time for him. Here he met Eva, courted her, driving to Bristol every weekend, and they married in 1952. My brother David came along in ’55 but sadly Eva died in childbirth two years later. Dad and Davie moved back in with Nana and Opa. Mitcham Cardboards was very successful and Dad designed and built two of its largest laminating machines, becoming Managing Director with Opa as Chairman. The company was eventually sold to Thames Board Mills, subsequently taken over by Unilever.

I won’t reprise the story here about how he met Mum but it speaks for his energy that he saw no problem in courting a Cambridge undergraduate while bringing up a five-year old and running the factory. Mum and he were married in 1961 and set up home in Kingston.

Dad was too much an individualist to work for a large corporation and set up his own business, but this wasn’t successful. He decided to apply for a lecturer post at City of London Poly where he found his metier - teaching. He was highly regarded, teaching management to banking students and banking to management students. His textbook was the standard in the field and he became chief examiner for the professional qualifications.

Dad was always a teacher, both by explanation and example. He taught Davie, me and my younger brothers, Jonny and Danny, to ride a bicycle and drive a car, teaching us clutch control by insisting we drive with a full glass of water on the dashboard and not spill any and to parallel park. He taught us to play bridge and those of the grandchildren that wished to learn, to enjoy the theatre and modern art, and always to make the best of things.

His faith was very important to him but he practiced his religion in his own way. Until only a week ago he was saying his prayers every morning and night. My father believed very strongly that the Important thing about Shabbat is that its different. We had Shabbat cereals i.e. ones with sugar, and when our children went into their bed in the morning for a story before breakfast they were allowed two jelly bears each, rather than the one they had the rest of the week. As someone who believed in walking up stairs even when a lift was available he treated himself to taking the lift up to their fourth floor flat on Shabbat instead of walking up, as he did the rest of the week, even into his 90’s.

Clarity and compromise. Principle and practical. That was Dad.

He was an interesting mixture of doing things by the rules whilst also being very unconventional and he didn’t care what people thought. His advice was highly valued and not just by family but also friends because he always said what he thought. No soft soaping or flattery but always considered, thoughtful and informed. He did not like pretension or show; his friends were carefully chosen and mostly for life. His integrity, both at home and outside it, was absolute. People often underestimated him because he appeared mild but he had very strong moral principles. He was not frightened of people, and since his time in Germany would not tolerate bullies and was not afraid to speak his mind when he felt someone was misguided. People who underestimated him did so at their peril! Over the years , in particular in his many roles within the Synagogue, he managed many difficult situations, with tact, respect and discretion.

He was not a feminist but he treated us all equally. I don’t think it ever occurred to him to treat me differently from my brothers. We were all taken to watch football on Boxing day for example, although he was also very aware that not everything suited each child, and the activities he did with us were very much geared to our tastes. My favourite times were watching detective programmes with him, in those days programmes like Softly Softly and Z Cars and only in April, when Mum was in hospital with a broken hip we watched several episodes of Morse together. I have very happy memories of being taken out for the day, during the school holidays while Dad went to see clients. I would sit in the car whilst he saw them and we would have a ploughman’s lunch and a half of cider – even though I think I was only ten or eleven at the time! Or if there was a trade fair I would be allowed to go and help him on his stand, demonstrating how the packaging machine worked. When I told my parents I wanted to be an engineer he didn’t question why, despite the fact that I had previously shown no particular inclination in that direction, but gently directed me to the area of engineering he thought would suit me best.

My father believed there was nothing more important in life than having and raising children and he was an incredible role model. He was infinitely interested in what the grandchildren were doing and made a point of being up to date. We all remember the time when on Shabbat Chanukah, Alexander had just returned from Amsterdam and he asked him, loudly, (he was already deaf by then), what the drugs scene was like.

Above : With his Great Grandsons.

I was rereading this and realised that this makes him sound like a really serious earnest man but that doesn’t capture him at all. He had a lovely sense of humour and a great sense of fun and adventure. He and Mum travelled the world together in their retirement and even a few weeks ago Dad couldn’t see why he shouldn’t still get to the Galapagos Islands.

Dad had an energy and enthusiasm for life that acts as a model for all of us and his memory will forever be a blessing.